he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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