we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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