My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
