dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
