is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
