we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
