that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
