I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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