Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
