I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
