you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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