I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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