It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
