Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
