Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
