TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
