I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
