I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
