I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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