I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
