Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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