Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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