i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
