If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize