Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
