u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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