She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
