Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
