You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
