I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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