It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
