I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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