When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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