Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
