11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
