I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
