Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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