you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
