I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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