My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
