So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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