My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
