she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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