Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Send help, water and tortillas.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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