im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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