Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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