Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
should my penis look like a turkey
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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