Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Randomize