If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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