I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
