help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
