im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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