Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
