my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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