just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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