She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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