I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
