Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I want to walk on stilts...naked
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
