I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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