I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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