My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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