Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
