it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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