He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize