what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
