no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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