I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
