if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
