and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
