I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
