I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
