I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They took my balls.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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