dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
