I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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