@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
