Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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