I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
